Day 9: This Is Hard As Heckles

I never have faced anything this tough. Based on what I re-posted yesterday about metabolism, I feel certain this is where I am. I am religiously monitoring my food intake, and I am keeping well under 1300 calories on most days. A couple of days I have gone up to 1500 calories (like on July 4), but I also did enough exercise on those days to compensate (such as a total burn the whole day of around 2800 calories). I have burned a minimum of 2100 calories every single day (this includes my basic metabolic resting rate of around 1700, plus whatever I burn in activities, workouts, etc.). I know I am expending more than I am taking in, so why am I not losing weight more quickly? In fact, I have actually gained - yes, GAINED - two pounds this week. What gives?

That brings me right back around to yesterday's repost from MyFitnessPal. I think my metabolism is shot. Like many of the obese, I didn't get this way overnight or from mindlessly eating 4,000 calories a day for years. I have a mostly sedentary lifestyle, other than running around with my kids at times or doing daily housework activities (with three kids in the house, including a five year old there are DAILY chores that must be done so we can maintain a minimal level of cleanliness). Yes, there was a time when I ate like crazy - too much fast food such as the Super Size Quarter Pounder meal from McDonald's a way too frequent basis when I lived with my ex-the-loser (better that I lost that lover than continued to love that loser). So, a few years of that led to my previous sumo-sized body. I lost 85 pounds, and I began to get healthy again.

Then I moved, eventually remarried and took on an instant family by becoming a custodial stepmother to four beautiful children. Beautiful children with a mother that was pretty much ineffective except for keeping us in and out of court until she was finally diagnosed as mentally ill and incompetent to have anything but therapeutically supervised visits. Naturally, this had an effect on the kids and as a result on my health too. This led me back to emotional eating that alternated with strict dieting. Diet, binge, diet, binge - but binges as described in that article. I always thought I didn't binge, not like they described. For me a "binge" was a bowl of ice cream. Or a few warm from the oven chocolate chip cookies. Not entire containers of food or thousands of calories at a sitting. When I read the article, I realized how well it described me. And when I combine that with my hormonal issues of middle age (and forced menopause thanks to last year's hysterectomy) I suddenly realize why I can't lose weight. My metabolism has crawled almost to  complete stop.

The main question is what to do about it? One thing is my break free plan, which I will be starting soon now that I have my supplements which are gluten-free, dairy-free, soy-free, etc. I think that cleansing my system will kick start my new eating plan. I will continue reasonably low calories (never less than 1200 a day), and I will add more consistent exercise. As my body realizes that it is no longer in danger of starving, and as I aim for more consistency in meals as well as exercise, I think my body will heal itself enough to start losing weight again. Until then, I will have to accept a small weight gain might occur. Acceptance of that fact will probably be the hardest part of the whole program.

As for today? Well, my teeth are still throbbing and hurting from a dental visit earlier in the afternoon. It was just my regular checkup and cleaning, but as I age I am finding it hurts every time I go. It typically doesn't start hurting until about an hour after I leave, and then it continues to build until I get a headache to go along with it. At least there was good news and my teeth look great "as usual" according to my dentist. My five year old went too - excellent report for her too, including one loose tooth in the front and the eruption of her six year molars on one side.

With that in mind, I am off to bed for a bit of rest and hopefully awakening to a new day where I can actually chew food.