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Part of my transformation is a 28-Day Breaking Free program, developed by Leanne Ely and JJ Virgin. You can read more about it at the website Saving Dinner. So, I am now on Day Two (officially) of that program. It's been tough, and there was a point today when I wasn't sure if I would make it.
My oldest stepson turned 19 today, and he came by for some birthday cake. I knew I wasn't strong enough to cook and ice one at home so I just picked something up at the local bakery. It was chocolate decadence - a dark brown, moist chocolate cake topped with a cream cheese and chocolate fudge icing, and then a thin layer of chocolate ganache swirls to decorate. It was all I could do to resist, but I did it! I managed to get through serving and chit-chatting while everyone else indulged. When I did start to feel resistance crumble, I satisfied my need by crunching on about one ounce of almonds. They crunched and gave off a slightly sweet but almost salty flavor which completely took away the desire to devour chocolate cake.
Perhaps in some way I am breaking free from more than food. I feel like I am breaking free from the hold that food has held over me for so long. It wasn't so much denying myself tonight, which I have done through all too many other diets. Tonight it was more liberating, knowing I had a choice. I then made the choice that was best for my body and found something else that really did satisfy. I think in the past I obsessed over what I couldn't have and ended up cheating myself. I couldn't concentrate on anything else with the "can't have" crowding my brain. Tonight, that changed. Rather than a "diet", I am doing something for 28-Days. I realized in less than a month I can walk in there and order a whole cake all for myself if I want to do it. That realization gave me the freedom to walk away and the open space in my brain to think of alternatives. In that sense, it became easier.
I also think that it goes deeper. The main feeling or emotion was that of loss and fear of not having something. I realized I had looked at things from the perspective of "if I choose not to eat this, I won't ever be able to have it again." And somewhere along the way, I think I have made that same association about other things in my life. For the first time in this whole process, I think I am finally seeing signs of a real transformation.
Showing posts with label diet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label diet. Show all posts
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Days 1 & 2: The Beginning of the Journey
The past few months have been life-altering in many ways, which also explains my long absence and infrequent posts on the blog. Last September, my mother was diagnosed with Stage II stomach cancer. After a round of chemotherapy, she finally had surgery this past February to remove her entire stomach and part of her esophagus. The aftermath of that has been quite challenging, as she doesn't even have the pouch most gastric bypass patients have. This makes eating and maintaining a healthy weight difficult.
If that wasn't challenging enough, during my mother's recovery my father was diagnosed with Stage I Merkel Cell Carcinoma. It's a type of skin cancer that is below the skin, at the tips of the nerve cells. It is rare and very aggressive. Fortunately, my father's was found early and he had immediate surgery to remove the cancerous tissue as well as two sentinel lymph nodes (for biopsy purposes). They got all of the cancerous tissue, and the lymph nodes were clear. However, he developed a MRSA infection during recovery requiring emergency surgery and week-long hospital stay.
For several months, I was maintaining two households as I spent a great deal of time helping my parents through their illnesses and recovery phases. This definitely took a toll on my health, as well as my weight. After battling my weight for years, I have encountered a whole new level of challenge in the aftermath of a hysterectomy and forced menopause - all metabolism seems to have ground to a halt which means every calorie winds up on my hips, stomach or other body part. My stomach looks like I am six months pregnant, and let's just say I have nicknamed my backside "Jabba the Butt".
After getting diagnosed myself with a Vitamin D deficiency and feeling worse every time I gained weight or saw my fat shift from my legs or arms to my belly - well, it was time to take care of me. Yesterday I went for a training session at my gym, and I started an honest approach to changing my habits. I have had a trainer since May. A BodyFit device since January. Multiple free and low-cost diet book downloads on my Kindle since last year. And finally, it clicked yesterday. I saw another episode of Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss, and I decided to chronicle my own transformation on the blog.
For the next year, you will see my daily updates about my experiences along this path to transformation. I will be not only transforming my body, but I will also be transforming all other aspects of my life. It's time to look deep within to find out why I allowed food such power in my life. I also want to look at re-entering the work force, as my baby girl (now 5 and not much of a baby) will be going to kindergarten in the fall.
My gym is the local Anytime Fitness (http://www.anytimefitness.com), where my H and I have a discount for membership. I love the fact I can literally go anytime since it is available 24/7, 365 days a year. That is a huge bonus considering my lifestyle right now, and it's right across from where my parents live so convenience there is a plus as well. I invested in a trainer there, and we do circuits. Yesterday I had my first "Biggest Loser" moment when I literally fell off treadmill. My mini-Jillian was doing the treadmill countdown, and then pressed stop - at which point I forgot to jump and my feet went one way while my upper body went another and down I went. It didn't help that a Vin Diesel look-a-like was bench pressing not too far away. I might be a fat, middle-aged, married Domestichick but I can still dream - and falling off a treadmill is a too sharp return to reality.
I use a BodyMedia BodyFit device (http://www.bodymedia.com) to monitor my calorie expenditure each day. I got this as a delayed Christmas present in January of this year, and I love it. I hardly notice the presence on my arm, which is surprising. I have used all the data, but I really enjoy the way it also monitors my sleep. It also keeps me going, as I like knowing pretty accurately just how many calories I am burning. I set goals for calorie expenditure, and it's fun to see how close I can get or even go over. It also measure how many steps I take, and I am still aiming (but falling miserably short) of 10,000 steps a day.
I do not use their site to track my meals. I used to use SparkPeople, and I still like it. However, I find that I prefer My Fitness Pal (http://www.myfitnesspal.com). It has a large data base, and I can use the Android application with my Droid phone. The best part of that, and what kicks it ahead of SparkPeople for me, is the ability to use the bar code scanner to enter foods. If I eat a protein bar, I can just scan the bar code for entry - super easy and fast, which makes the record keeping a cinch. That's huge for me with a busy schedule.
I am a FlyLady (http://www.flylady.com) follower, still taking Baby Steps. As a result, I also follow the Saving Dinner Diva Leanne Ely (http://www.savingdinner.com). She has a FABULOUS deal right now, which was perfect timing for me. I invested in the 28-Day Break Free Boot Camp (http://savingdinner.com/breakfree/) at a ridiculously low price. I will be blogging my daily endeavor to break free of some of the foods that hold me hostage. I can't encourage you enough to join me on this quest for better health!
If you have made it this far, thank you. For your reward, you are privileged to know my starting weight: 249 pounds. My highest weight was 285 pounds back in 1998. I successfully lost down to 220 pounds before I met my current H. I have bounced around between 220 and 199 until the past year when I started gaining. Since January, I have gained the other 29 pounds and I am miserable. I am not the least bit proud, and I am quite embarrassed to reveal my actual weight. But, transparency is part of the process and I think it will be key to keeping me real and on target. If you have something negative to say, I pray for you. No more negative energy comes from me. If you have something positive or encouraging to say, I thank you sincerely.
Until my next entry, health and happiness to all.
If that wasn't challenging enough, during my mother's recovery my father was diagnosed with Stage I Merkel Cell Carcinoma. It's a type of skin cancer that is below the skin, at the tips of the nerve cells. It is rare and very aggressive. Fortunately, my father's was found early and he had immediate surgery to remove the cancerous tissue as well as two sentinel lymph nodes (for biopsy purposes). They got all of the cancerous tissue, and the lymph nodes were clear. However, he developed a MRSA infection during recovery requiring emergency surgery and week-long hospital stay.
For several months, I was maintaining two households as I spent a great deal of time helping my parents through their illnesses and recovery phases. This definitely took a toll on my health, as well as my weight. After battling my weight for years, I have encountered a whole new level of challenge in the aftermath of a hysterectomy and forced menopause - all metabolism seems to have ground to a halt which means every calorie winds up on my hips, stomach or other body part. My stomach looks like I am six months pregnant, and let's just say I have nicknamed my backside "Jabba the Butt".
After getting diagnosed myself with a Vitamin D deficiency and feeling worse every time I gained weight or saw my fat shift from my legs or arms to my belly - well, it was time to take care of me. Yesterday I went for a training session at my gym, and I started an honest approach to changing my habits. I have had a trainer since May. A BodyFit device since January. Multiple free and low-cost diet book downloads on my Kindle since last year. And finally, it clicked yesterday. I saw another episode of Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss, and I decided to chronicle my own transformation on the blog.
For the next year, you will see my daily updates about my experiences along this path to transformation. I will be not only transforming my body, but I will also be transforming all other aspects of my life. It's time to look deep within to find out why I allowed food such power in my life. I also want to look at re-entering the work force, as my baby girl (now 5 and not much of a baby) will be going to kindergarten in the fall.
My gym is the local Anytime Fitness (http://www.anytimefitness.com), where my H and I have a discount for membership. I love the fact I can literally go anytime since it is available 24/7, 365 days a year. That is a huge bonus considering my lifestyle right now, and it's right across from where my parents live so convenience there is a plus as well. I invested in a trainer there, and we do circuits. Yesterday I had my first "Biggest Loser" moment when I literally fell off treadmill. My mini-Jillian was doing the treadmill countdown, and then pressed stop - at which point I forgot to jump and my feet went one way while my upper body went another and down I went. It didn't help that a Vin Diesel look-a-like was bench pressing not too far away. I might be a fat, middle-aged, married Domestichick but I can still dream - and falling off a treadmill is a too sharp return to reality.
I use a BodyMedia BodyFit device (http://www.bodymedia.com) to monitor my calorie expenditure each day. I got this as a delayed Christmas present in January of this year, and I love it. I hardly notice the presence on my arm, which is surprising. I have used all the data, but I really enjoy the way it also monitors my sleep. It also keeps me going, as I like knowing pretty accurately just how many calories I am burning. I set goals for calorie expenditure, and it's fun to see how close I can get or even go over. It also measure how many steps I take, and I am still aiming (but falling miserably short) of 10,000 steps a day.
I do not use their site to track my meals. I used to use SparkPeople, and I still like it. However, I find that I prefer My Fitness Pal (http://www.myfitnesspal.com). It has a large data base, and I can use the Android application with my Droid phone. The best part of that, and what kicks it ahead of SparkPeople for me, is the ability to use the bar code scanner to enter foods. If I eat a protein bar, I can just scan the bar code for entry - super easy and fast, which makes the record keeping a cinch. That's huge for me with a busy schedule.
I am a FlyLady (http://www.flylady.com) follower, still taking Baby Steps. As a result, I also follow the Saving Dinner Diva Leanne Ely (http://www.savingdinner.com). She has a FABULOUS deal right now, which was perfect timing for me. I invested in the 28-Day Break Free Boot Camp (http://savingdinner.com/breakfree/) at a ridiculously low price. I will be blogging my daily endeavor to break free of some of the foods that hold me hostage. I can't encourage you enough to join me on this quest for better health!
If you have made it this far, thank you. For your reward, you are privileged to know my starting weight: 249 pounds. My highest weight was 285 pounds back in 1998. I successfully lost down to 220 pounds before I met my current H. I have bounced around between 220 and 199 until the past year when I started gaining. Since January, I have gained the other 29 pounds and I am miserable. I am not the least bit proud, and I am quite embarrassed to reveal my actual weight. But, transparency is part of the process and I think it will be key to keeping me real and on target. If you have something negative to say, I pray for you. No more negative energy comes from me. If you have something positive or encouraging to say, I thank you sincerely.
Until my next entry, health and happiness to all.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
G-Free and Me?
I had a hysterectomy back in the spring, and I have been marking off a lot of recent symptoms as a result of the surgery. Hair falling out? Must be the body trauma - my surgeon said it was normal after major surgery. Tired all the time? My surgeon said it would take six to possibly twelve months before I had all my energy back. Since I have a house full of kids, it should be no surprise the energy level stays low. I've had some headaches here and there among other things, but I just kept saying "it must be the surgery". Then there's the whole abdominal pain issue - not like prior to surgery. I notice when I drive for a long period my belly gets this strange burning sensation all around the belly button and into the lower abdomen. I'm used to those little zinger pains that are the result of nerve endings coming to life. This is totally different. Still, I kept thinking it must be the surgery. Recently, however, I've been curious if it is not something more than that.
The fatigue can sometimes resemble a bone-crushing exhaustion. There are days I have lots of energy and therefore I get a lot done. Other days just cooking a meal and washing dishes wipes me out as though I had run a full marathon. That's just not normal. Although I do remember a similar fatigue when I got diagnosed with low thyroid. That got me thinking... maybe it's my thyroid. Perhaps my new hormone replacement therapy is somehow affecting my thyroid levels? So I started a little research thinking I need to check out a good endocrinologist - one person handling all the hormones sounds like a start.
Once I started my search, I came across the website of a doctor in the area that sounds pretty good. Most of the reviews are good. On her site, she spoke about how gluten is the root of a lot of troubles for women. That led me on another search - the gluten-free diet. One of my good friends from high school is now gluten-free. She is battling lupus, and she has found going G-Free is an integral part of staying as healthy as possible. For those interested, she is Carla Ulbrich aka The Singing Patient. So, I think I might try it. I already try to eat as much organic as possible. However, swapping one veggie for another is a lot different than giving up an entire good group (carbohydrates which deserve their own grouping). I completely identify with that line from "Eat, Pray, Love" about "no carb left behind". I will need to have a funeral for my cereals. A coffin for my cupcakes. A testimonial and wake for my bread. I'll keep you posted on my little experiment.
The fatigue can sometimes resemble a bone-crushing exhaustion. There are days I have lots of energy and therefore I get a lot done. Other days just cooking a meal and washing dishes wipes me out as though I had run a full marathon. That's just not normal. Although I do remember a similar fatigue when I got diagnosed with low thyroid. That got me thinking... maybe it's my thyroid. Perhaps my new hormone replacement therapy is somehow affecting my thyroid levels? So I started a little research thinking I need to check out a good endocrinologist - one person handling all the hormones sounds like a start.
Once I started my search, I came across the website of a doctor in the area that sounds pretty good. Most of the reviews are good. On her site, she spoke about how gluten is the root of a lot of troubles for women. That led me on another search - the gluten-free diet. One of my good friends from high school is now gluten-free. She is battling lupus, and she has found going G-Free is an integral part of staying as healthy as possible. For those interested, she is Carla Ulbrich aka The Singing Patient. So, I think I might try it. I already try to eat as much organic as possible. However, swapping one veggie for another is a lot different than giving up an entire good group (carbohydrates which deserve their own grouping). I completely identify with that line from "Eat, Pray, Love" about "no carb left behind". I will need to have a funeral for my cereals. A coffin for my cupcakes. A testimonial and wake for my bread. I'll keep you posted on my little experiment.
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