Day 12: Breaking Free

Part of my transformation is a 28-Day Breaking Free program, developed by Leanne Ely and JJ Virgin. You can read more about it at the website Saving Dinner.  So, I am now on Day Two (officially) of that program. It's been tough, and there was a point today when I wasn't sure if I would make it.

My oldest stepson turned 19 today, and he came by for some birthday cake. I knew I wasn't strong enough to cook and ice one at home so I just picked something up at the local bakery. It was chocolate decadence - a dark brown, moist chocolate cake topped with a cream cheese and chocolate fudge icing, and then a thin layer of chocolate ganache swirls to decorate. It was all I could do to resist, but I did it! I managed to get through serving and chit-chatting while everyone else indulged. When I did start to feel resistance crumble, I satisfied my need by crunching on about one ounce of almonds. They crunched and gave off a slightly sweet but almost salty flavor which completely took away the desire to devour chocolate cake.

Perhaps in some way I am breaking free from more than food. I feel like I am breaking free from the hold that food has held over me for so long. It wasn't so much denying myself tonight, which I have done through all too many other diets. Tonight it was more liberating, knowing I had a choice. I then made the choice that was best for my body and found something else that really did satisfy. I think in the past I obsessed over what I couldn't have and ended up cheating myself. I couldn't concentrate on anything else with the "can't have" crowding my brain. Tonight, that changed. Rather than a "diet", I am doing something for 28-Days. I realized in less than a month I can walk in there and order a whole cake all for myself if I want to do it. That realization gave me the freedom to walk away and the open space in my brain to think of alternatives. In that sense, it became easier.

I also think that it goes deeper. The main feeling or emotion was that of loss and fear of not having something. I realized I had looked at things from the perspective of "if I choose not to eat this, I won't ever be able to have it again." And somewhere along the way, I think I have made that same association about other things in my life. For the first time in this whole process, I think I am finally seeing signs of a real transformation.

Days... What Day Is It Again?

Fourth of July fireworks and they must have seared my brain because I can hardly how many days I am into this journey. If I recall correctly, July 4th was Day Six of my little campaign which would now put us on Day Eight that has just finished. I have been expending more calories than I have been taking in, and yet I have lost nary a pound. I did lose three pounds, but thanks to that demon sodium I have promptly put them back on. Needless to say, I have redoubled my efforts to drinking water and monitoring my sodium.

Today also brought my shipment of Paleo products: PaleoProtein shake supplements, PaleoFiber, and a few other goodies suggested in my 28 Day Break Free Boot Camp. Tomorrow will be my major planning day, and then I will start actually "breaking free" on Friday. Kind of ironic, since that might also be the day that sees Casey Anthony breaking free from her jail cell. I am still in a state of shock over that development.

I have a training session tomorrow at the gym, which means by tomorrow night I will be achy and painful. I am hoping that sometime next week will find me having a Biggest Loser moment in which I celebrate a huge weight loss. At this point I am not holding my breath. After all, that could put on a few more ounces and I am desperate for anything at this point.

Til my next post - may you all enjoy health and happiness.