Day 12: Breaking Free

Part of my transformation is a 28-Day Breaking Free program, developed by Leanne Ely and JJ Virgin. You can read more about it at the website Saving Dinner.  So, I am now on Day Two (officially) of that program. It's been tough, and there was a point today when I wasn't sure if I would make it.

My oldest stepson turned 19 today, and he came by for some birthday cake. I knew I wasn't strong enough to cook and ice one at home so I just picked something up at the local bakery. It was chocolate decadence - a dark brown, moist chocolate cake topped with a cream cheese and chocolate fudge icing, and then a thin layer of chocolate ganache swirls to decorate. It was all I could do to resist, but I did it! I managed to get through serving and chit-chatting while everyone else indulged. When I did start to feel resistance crumble, I satisfied my need by crunching on about one ounce of almonds. They crunched and gave off a slightly sweet but almost salty flavor which completely took away the desire to devour chocolate cake.

Perhaps in some way I am breaking free from more than food. I feel like I am breaking free from the hold that food has held over me for so long. It wasn't so much denying myself tonight, which I have done through all too many other diets. Tonight it was more liberating, knowing I had a choice. I then made the choice that was best for my body and found something else that really did satisfy. I think in the past I obsessed over what I couldn't have and ended up cheating myself. I couldn't concentrate on anything else with the "can't have" crowding my brain. Tonight, that changed. Rather than a "diet", I am doing something for 28-Days. I realized in less than a month I can walk in there and order a whole cake all for myself if I want to do it. That realization gave me the freedom to walk away and the open space in my brain to think of alternatives. In that sense, it became easier.

I also think that it goes deeper. The main feeling or emotion was that of loss and fear of not having something. I realized I had looked at things from the perspective of "if I choose not to eat this, I won't ever be able to have it again." And somewhere along the way, I think I have made that same association about other things in my life. For the first time in this whole process, I think I am finally seeing signs of a real transformation.

Day 9: This Is Hard As Heckles

I never have faced anything this tough. Based on what I re-posted yesterday about metabolism, I feel certain this is where I am. I am religiously monitoring my food intake, and I am keeping well under 1300 calories on most days. A couple of days I have gone up to 1500 calories (like on July 4), but I also did enough exercise on those days to compensate (such as a total burn the whole day of around 2800 calories). I have burned a minimum of 2100 calories every single day (this includes my basic metabolic resting rate of around 1700, plus whatever I burn in activities, workouts, etc.). I know I am expending more than I am taking in, so why am I not losing weight more quickly? In fact, I have actually gained - yes, GAINED - two pounds this week. What gives?

That brings me right back around to yesterday's repost from MyFitnessPal. I think my metabolism is shot. Like many of the obese, I didn't get this way overnight or from mindlessly eating 4,000 calories a day for years. I have a mostly sedentary lifestyle, other than running around with my kids at times or doing daily housework activities (with three kids in the house, including a five year old there are DAILY chores that must be done so we can maintain a minimal level of cleanliness). Yes, there was a time when I ate like crazy - too much fast food such as the Super Size Quarter Pounder meal from McDonald's a way too frequent basis when I lived with my ex-the-loser (better that I lost that lover than continued to love that loser). So, a few years of that led to my previous sumo-sized body. I lost 85 pounds, and I began to get healthy again.

Then I moved, eventually remarried and took on an instant family by becoming a custodial stepmother to four beautiful children. Beautiful children with a mother that was pretty much ineffective except for keeping us in and out of court until she was finally diagnosed as mentally ill and incompetent to have anything but therapeutically supervised visits. Naturally, this had an effect on the kids and as a result on my health too. This led me back to emotional eating that alternated with strict dieting. Diet, binge, diet, binge - but binges as described in that article. I always thought I didn't binge, not like they described. For me a "binge" was a bowl of ice cream. Or a few warm from the oven chocolate chip cookies. Not entire containers of food or thousands of calories at a sitting. When I read the article, I realized how well it described me. And when I combine that with my hormonal issues of middle age (and forced menopause thanks to last year's hysterectomy) I suddenly realize why I can't lose weight. My metabolism has crawled almost to  complete stop.

The main question is what to do about it? One thing is my break free plan, which I will be starting soon now that I have my supplements which are gluten-free, dairy-free, soy-free, etc. I think that cleansing my system will kick start my new eating plan. I will continue reasonably low calories (never less than 1200 a day), and I will add more consistent exercise. As my body realizes that it is no longer in danger of starving, and as I aim for more consistency in meals as well as exercise, I think my body will heal itself enough to start losing weight again. Until then, I will have to accept a small weight gain might occur. Acceptance of that fact will probably be the hardest part of the whole program.

As for today? Well, my teeth are still throbbing and hurting from a dental visit earlier in the afternoon. It was just my regular checkup and cleaning, but as I age I am finding it hurts every time I go. It typically doesn't start hurting until about an hour after I leave, and then it continues to build until I get a headache to go along with it. At least there was good news and my teeth look great "as usual" according to my dentist. My five year old went too - excellent report for her too, including one loose tooth in the front and the eruption of her six year molars on one side.

With that in mind, I am off to bed for a bit of rest and hopefully awakening to a new day where I can actually chew food.

Days 4 & 5: Turkey Bacon and Improved Eggs?

I just read an article in WebMD Magazine (I saw it at my physician's office) about new and improved eggs. Basically, the article said that recent studies show eggs are lower in cholesterol and almost 64% higher in Vitamin D than several years ago. The premise for why this has happened? It's in the feed. Yep, according to the scientific studies in a magazine placed in your traditional doctor's office - what we feed hens is apparently changing the content of the eggs those hens produce. Does it not strike you as a little ironic since this would seem to support the whole theory behind organic eating and holistic healing - such as vitamins, supplements and nutritional healing? Just found that kind of funny, in the ironic sort of way.

And speaking of eggs, I made some this morning along with some turkey bacon for our breakfast. My kids are giving me a hard time about cooking leaner and more healthy. I was relieved to remind them that even iCarly and her sidekick Sam enjoy turkey bacon. I reminded them of the episode where they were eating in class, and when admonished by their teacher they said, "It's turkey bacon!" as though that alone should explain why eating it was irresistible! It's nice to remind them using their own shows.

The new and improved eating habits are going rather well. I felt the past two days like I have been pigging out at times - but when I run my calorie counts using MyFitnessPal I am under my calorie count! I am losing weight, so something is working. I was thinking today, though, how it is so easy to pile the weight on and oh so hard to pull it off. I think pulling teeth is easier than pulling pounds.

I had another revelation today. I ended up picking a fight with my H - over something really stupid that was really meaningless. Later, when I was boo-hooing in the bathroom (hey, it's the ONLY place I can get away with a H and three kids!), I remembered something I read about how old you act when you throw a tantrum. I was acting like I was six. So, I decided to just comfort that six year old while she cried it out. I have generally harumphed the whole notion of an inner child, but today it worked. And I honestly felt better afterwards. I was able to find the root of the problem, discuss it rationally with my H, and apologize for my behavior (he apologized for his too, which wasn't too pretty). All in all, I learned something valuable about treating myself with kindness and love. And I think this was a huge step in my transformation. It also brought a moment of truth with my H about my weight issues. 

I will be back again tomorrow for my Fourth of July update on Day Six. See you then, Happy Independence Day, and be careful with hose fireworks!

My CSA Adventure

Things are going well with the CSA I posted about recently. I have picked up my box for a couple of weeks now, and I am very pleased with the value for the money. All the vegetables are organically grown on a local farm that is considered a "slow grower". Currently, I am paying $390 for the remainder of the growing season - which means one box and one bag a week up to the week prior to Thanksgiving. That's not too bad, considering I get a wide variety that will continue to change as the seasons change.

So far, I get one box of tomatoes a week. This contains a pint container of heirloom Roma tomatoes - a beautiful yellow. It also contains a variety of other heirloom tomatoes - purple, red, even yellow zebra. The wide range of colors and types also means a wide range of flavors - some more sweet, some more tart. Some are good for sandwiches, and some make a mean tomato sauce. With these, I usually get around 10-14 tomatoes: 3 or 4 large ones (sandwich size perfect) with the rest medium-sized. 

I have gotten a bag of okra a week, with enough to serve a family of four (smaller than my family, but perfect for my family since several members seem to think okra means a sure death by taste). I also get some beautiful squash - a few crookneck and some zucchini. One week I got a pint jar of honey. This week's surprise was a small bag of garlic - about 8 heads.

I get more eggplant than I know what to do with, so if you have any good eggplant recipes please share. I have a good recipe for eggplant parmigiana, which I love. And since I am Southern, I have mastered frying them. I am trying to eat healthier, so I tried roasting them this past week but I wasn't entirely pleased. Please share any roasting tips you may have as well. This past week I received 4 regular purple eggplant, 3 Japanese eggplant and a pint container of Thai eggplant. I had never tried the Thai eggplant, and I totally messed up making it, so I hope I get another shot at that this week.

That is all just the CSA box, which also includes other things depending on the week. This past week I also got a huge bundle of fresh basil. Between that and the tomatoes, I made a killer tomato sauce we are using the remainder of this week. I am actually getting enough that I could be canning tomato sauce by the end of the season. That is very exciting considering the cost investment. It will be paying off past Thanksgiving. 

I am actually purchasing my CSA through the USLG market that I linked to in my last post. The market also has several other items that are delicious. The black bean hummus we tried was addictive, and I have now tracked down a good recipe that mimics the flavor. Their secret is to add a tiny bit of coriander. Other things I have tried include a chocolate pecan pie (not nearly as good as it sounds), chocolate milk from a local dairy (fantastic and hormone free), goat's milk (also quite good), goat cheese (you can make all sorts of delights with it), and more. I am very pleased so far with most everything I have tried.

I'll post more as I work my way through their market and menus.

G-Free and Me?

I had a hysterectomy back in the spring, and I have been marking off a lot of recent symptoms as a result of the surgery. Hair falling out? Must be the body trauma - my surgeon said it was normal after major surgery. Tired all the time? My surgeon said it would take six to possibly twelve months before I had all my energy back. Since I have a house full of kids, it should be no surprise the energy level stays low. I've had some headaches here and there among other things, but I just kept saying "it must be the surgery". Then there's the whole abdominal pain issue - not like prior to surgery. I notice when I drive for a long period my belly gets this strange burning sensation all around the belly button and into the lower abdomen. I'm used to those little zinger pains that are the result of nerve endings coming to life. This is totally different. Still, I kept thinking it must be the surgery. Recently, however, I've been curious if it is not something more than that.

The fatigue can sometimes resemble a bone-crushing exhaustion. There are days I have lots of energy and therefore I get a lot done. Other days just cooking a meal and washing dishes wipes me out as though I had run a full marathon. That's just not normal. Although I do remember a similar fatigue when I got diagnosed with low thyroid. That got me thinking... maybe it's my thyroid. Perhaps my new hormone replacement therapy is somehow affecting my thyroid levels? So I started a little research thinking I need to check out a good endocrinologist - one person handling all the hormones sounds like a start.

Once I started my search, I came across the website of a doctor in the area that sounds pretty good. Most of the reviews are good. On her site, she spoke about how gluten is the root of a lot of troubles for women. That led me on another search - the gluten-free diet. One of my good friends from high school is now gluten-free. She is battling lupus, and she has found going G-Free is an integral part of staying as healthy as possible. For those interested, she is Carla Ulbrich aka The Singing Patient.  So, I think I might try it. I already try to eat as much organic as possible. However, swapping one veggie for another is a lot different than giving up an entire good group (carbohydrates which deserve their own grouping). I completely identify with that line from "Eat, Pray, Love" about "no carb left behind". I will need to have a funeral for my cereals. A coffin for my cupcakes. A testimonial and wake for my bread. I'll keep you posted on my little experiment.

Me and the CSA: My New Adventure

Recently I started investigating the trend of Community Supported Agriculture (CSA). I have heard about these around the Internet, as well as word of mouth. As I live in a relatively rural area of the South, and there are plenty of farms nearby as well as the agricultural university for our state (Clemson University), I figured there must be similar set-ups locally. It's not always easy to make it to the Farmer's Market, so I thought the idea of a CSA would be like a market more on my schedule.

I wasn't sure what to expect, so I started doing my own research at  Local Harvest. Their description is the simplest I have found:

Here are the basics: a farmer offers a certain number of "shares" to the public. Typically the share consists of a box of vegetables, but other farm products may be included. Interested consumers purchase a share (aka a "membership" or a "subscription") and in return receive a box (bag, basket) of seasonal produce each week throughout the farming season. 

The best part is there is a set delivery or pick-up schedule, so you aren't trying to rush to a market only to find they are sold out. You have already arranged and paid for your produce in advance, and the grower prepares your share. Nothing is risk-free of course, so the risk here is a bad growing season. You are paying for the cost of the farming - so a bad growing season means little or no produce and no refund. 


I wasn't quite ready to just jump in, since the local CSAs cost around $600.00 for a season. While that is still a good deal, due to the amount of food you receive it was a little steep for our initial step in this experiment. I look for some alternatives, and I found a wonderful one. One that is listed in our local area as a CSA is The Putney Farm. They require a flat fee for a membership, and this allows you to order throughout the entire year from their catalog of available products. The products change each week, and the members are sent an email during the ordering period of what items are available. The beauty of their system is that multiple growers and farms contribute to their "market". In fact, this is more of a direct order Farmer's Market than an actual CSA. 


My first order was this past week and it was picked up today. We received three pounds of range-fed ground beef (hormone free), goat cheese fudge, whole organic chocolate milk, granola, gluten free bread, fresh organic blueberries, whole organic buttermilk, and a homemade black bean hummus. We didn't have too many fresh fruits and vegetables this time. I ordered later in the available time allotted, so several items were already sold out for this week. I also wanted to sample several different items to get an idea of what was available across the board.

The skids and I tried several of the products this evening. The hummus was demolished in short order and all we have left is an empty container. The whole chocolate milk was a huge hit with the kids. We don't normally have chocolate milk in the house, but I decided to make a treat for them in this order. It comes from The Happy Cow Creamery, and it definitely made my own little calves very happy. I heard raves today about their cottage cheese at the drop off - so we will be trying that next time. So far, every single thing we tried we found delicious. The blueberries were the top of the pick, or they produce all perfect blueberries at that farm. They were gorgeous.

I can't wait to find out what our next fresh options are, and I will be sure to get my order in quickly. I have loved what I have discovered so far. There is an option with this farm to get a standard CSA box full of fresh vegetables. So far, I feel sure we will be ordering that next summer. This is an excellent option for obtaining quality organic produce in way that is both time efficient and cost effective. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

Five For Friday: Five Things I Recently Enjoyed Eating

Pizza Hut Breadsticks - They had a special on these with our order tonight. I had  forgotten just how addictive-ly delicious they are.
 

 

Deviled Eggs - What I consider a Southern treat. My daddy made some for my family the other night. I know why they are called Deviled Eggs - they are so sinfully good that only the devil could put them out there to tempt us off a diet.

Litehouse Blue Cheese Dressing on Mixed Greens: This was today's lunch, and even my four-year old had two helpings. It was cold and perfect for a dreadfully hot day.

Fresh Blueberries: I had a bowl the other day. They are so delicious and very healthy for you. Check out this Blueberry Council page - it's where I got the lovely image to the left.

Fresh Peaches: I love, love, love me some fresh peaches. Just peel, cut and eat - when from a bowl even better because you can still get out the last bit of that sweet juice. As to the picture, that is "The Peachoid" in Gaffney, SC. I am a good ole SC girl, and I don't live that far away. Contrary to popular belief, the state of SC produces more peaches annually than the self-proclaimed "Peach State".  Gaffney is also home to the Annual SC Peach Festival each year. Here's a link to a roadside Peachstand in SC for the next time y'all are here.

A Foray Into Julia Child

Originally written on February 13, 2010**:

Tonight I decided to try my hand at creating a Julia Child classic: Potage Parmentier. Nice enough, but I have two teenage sons, and Mrs. Child evidently did not when perfecting this recipe. Teen boys means you need meat, so I settled on chicken.

I made a few adjustments, and the family loved it. Those teen boys both had second helpings, a silent approval as they are very picky eaters. The rest of the family (my husband, a pre-schooler, a tween girl, and a teen girl) also enjoyed the meal. For those of you willing to corrupt classic recipes or just like to try new things, here's my own take on this recipe:

A Fearless Chick's Potato Soup (makes approximately 8 servings)

Ingredients

• 3 cups leeks, thinly sliced (white and tender green parts only)
• 3 tablespoons Smart Choice 60% spread
• 5 breasts of chicken, boneless, skinless, cut into bite-size pieces
• 1 lb potatoes, peeled and diced
• 4 quarts water
• 1 tablespoon salt
• 1 tablespoon freshly ground pepper
• 1/2 cup fat-free half-n-half

Directions

1. Melt butter in large 4-quart pot over medium-low heat. When melted, add leeks and cook until caramelized.
2. Remove leeks to a separate dish.
3. Add chicken to the pot, and brown on all sides.
4. Fill the pot with the 4 quarts of water, and bring to a boil and cook until chicken is done. Remove chicken to a separate dish.
5. Return leeks to the chicken stock, and add potatoes with seasonings. Simmer, partially covered, for about 20-30 minutes until vegetables are tender.
6. Remove from heat, and mash the vegetables with the liquid (alternatively, you could puree this in the blender - not an option with teen boys who like to see food of substance).
7. Add chicken, half-n-half and additional seasonings to taste. Heat on medium-low until chicken is warmed.
8. Pour into bowls, and garnish with parsley if desired.

In the words of Julia Child - bon appetit! Let me know how you like it.

**This originally appeared on my other website - The Fearless Stepmom. I am moving it here as I am in the process of organizing the two websites and their content.

Friday Family Movie Night: The Jensen Project

Yesterday while shopping at Wal-Mart, we received a flyer for Family Movie Night, sponsored by Wal-Mart and P&G products. This is the second in the "Bringing Back Family Movie Night" campaign: The Jensen Project.

The world is hanging by a string. Can this family pull it together?

After a 16-year absence, Claire and Matt Thompson are reintroduced to The Jensen Project — a secret community of geniuses conducting advanced underground research to solve the world’s most difficult problems. The former scientists, accompanied by their tech-minded teenage son Brody, are thrust into a frantic pursuit to keep a potentially dangerous technology from falling into the wrong hands. As the family races against the clock to stop the group's rogue faction, they discover an important truth. In this high-pressure, high-tech world, sometimes the smartest thing we can do is lean on each other.

The flyer had the movie information on one side and a shopping list for the perfect night on the other - all for only $10.00. The evening was complete with pizza, movie and typical movie-theater treats (soda, popcorn and candy). Since all four kids were with us, they cajoled, prodded and pleaded us into succumbing to the blatant marketing. Since we are a larger-than-average family, we ended up spending $20.00 for twice the product.


We first prepared our pizzas - Wal-Mart Marketside pizza for $5.00 each in two flavors: one five-cheese and one three-meat.   Around 6:30PM I served these with our 2-liter bottles of Pepsi ($1.00 each) purchased as part of the package: we chose regular Pepsi and Wild Cherry Pepsi. We devoured the pizzas rather quickly, with plenty of compliments from our, at times, difficult to please audience (two teens, one tween, and one preschooler). The pizzas were quite good, with fresh ingredients. The crust was similar to a "hand-tossed", a nice cross between thick and thin (very close to my homemade crust). The toppings were quite good, with a nice blend of cheeses on the cheese pizza. The meat pizza had large chunks of sausage, only mildly spicy, along with shaved bacon, pepperoni slices and mozzarella cheese. There was also thinly shaved grilled beef, a surprising addition that gave a unique layer of flavor to the pizza. We would have liked more pepperoni slices, but overall the pizza was quite good.

I then left open our two cans of Pringles (one ranch flavor and one multi-grain). These were advertised at $1.00 for a slightly smaller can, but we chose the larger can for $1.50 which was a better deal overall. This also worked better for our size family.


 

Around 7:30PM I put on the popcorn (Orville Redenbacher's Movie Theater Butter at $2.00 a tub), so we could settle in for the movie. This time, we all came into the master bedroom where we could all be comfortable. Our eldest son, who is 18 and has his own apartment, was visiting. He chose to stay in the living room to play Guitar Hero (something he greatly misses since moving out on his own). Our other teen boy, who is "too cool" for family night, chose to stay in his room alternating between talking with his girlfriend on the phone and playing his favorite computer game. Although I wish he would join us as well, at least he's not out making mischief or otherwise getting into trouble. I count my blessings.

At 8:00PM we tuned in to NBC for the family movie The Jensen Project.We enjoyed this with our popcorn, some Skittles (we tried the new flavor of Fizzl'd Fruits, which was sort of Pop-Rocks meets Sour meets chewy Skittles). We had two bags of Skittles, at $1.00 each, in the "theater box" size. The price for all of this was incredibly reasonable, and it was far better than what we would have paid at the theater. Not to mention our floors are not near as sticky (even with a preschooler) and the bathrooms are far cleaner (even with our teenagers).

The movie was very cute, and although it was a bit dark in places for our four-year-old, my younger teen girls enjoyed it. Could it be the hint of romance between Brody and Samantha? Or perhaps just them enjoying Justin Kelly as Brody?  Either way, our whole family enjoyed the movie and we do plan on purchasing the DVD/CD combo available at Wal-Mart today. The CD has the soundtrack from the movie, featuring Jordin Sparks, Brooke White and more.

Overall, we felt this was a good deal: fun, cost-efficient, and family oriented. In the fall, we will be ready and waiting for the next family movie night:  A Walk In My Shoes.

WoW - My Husband Turned 50

My DH has always loved computers and things associated with them. It used to be eBay. Then it was building computers. Then we went through a dreadful phase of him upgrading our computers - no data was safe. I lived in fear. Finally, he was introduced to this harmless little game called World of Warcraft. I am sure some of you are familiar with this darling little role-playing game. It's harmless enough. You create a cartoon, or your "Alt", on a massive computer server where other people from all over the world have also created a cartoon of themselves. We are talking thousands of people. Which is why it is referred to as a MASSIVE role-playing game.

He has become addicted, and he has spent hours leveling and upgrading his characters. Yes, he has more than one. It has been relatively harmless. Although he does spend many hours on the game, it could be worse. He could be out drinking with the boys. Or playing endless rounds of golf. Or working multiple hours of overtime. At least this way he is home and accessible - at least most of the time. And it has been an effective stress reliever for him. So, while he has a mild "addiction" it's definitely the lesser of some evils.

He recently turned 50, and like a good enabler I themed his whole birthday around World of Warcraft. I mainly just put together a cake, inspired somewhat by Cake Boss (my own addiction). Not nearly as good, but I am nowhere near New Jersey to order one from him either.

Here's the cake with a top/aerial view:

I made a red velvet cake with buttercream frosting. The "addict's manual" is a white cake with buttercream frosting topped with yellow fondant. I used tinted buttercream and royal icing for the decorations (grass, river, plaque, etc.). The river rocks are chocolate, the scrolls are marzipan with fondant bows, and blue sprinkles give the river a sense of movement. I made the treasure chest with chocolate candy, and stuffed it with homemade strawberry-flavored rock candy, peppermint pearls, and gold chocolate coins. The Death Knight figure standing against the hill is a fondant and modeling chocolate replica of DH's character.

Here's a closeup of the treasure chest:

When playing the game, DH loves to drink Diet Coke and Monster. I used both of these as elements as well. In the game, there are potions for Health and Mana. These are pretty basic and almost all characters use them. I made replicas of the two drinks using rice crispy treats, carving them into the can shapes. I covered them with a thin layer of buttercream icing, then covered this with the appropriate color fondant. I cut all logos out of fondant and used royal icing to write on the cans and do detail work. The Diet Coke became Diet Health, and the Monster became Monster Mana. It all worked out rather well.

Here are pictures of the two drink potions:

                   

It's a start, so it's not perfect. Most of all it was fun and my DH loved it. Oh - and it was delicious!